


Between reflection...

by Lyhesa



Series: Joan & Jane [2]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Blood and Injury, Character Bashing, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Sex, Emotionally Repressed, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fist Fights, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Torture, Older Woman/Younger Woman, Psychological Torture, Psychopath, Shameless Smut, Teasing, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:41:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28995402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyhesa/pseuds/Lyhesa
Summary: Based on EPs 4 and 5 of S3
Relationships: Joan Ferguson/Original Character(s), Joan Ferguson/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Joan & Jane [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125602
Comments: 9
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

Chatters resonated within the walls of Wentworth as Jane and Jodie followed an officer to H1. They had been released from the slot today, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little bit happy to see the cerulean blue plastering the walls. She would miss the calm of the slot, but it was a modest price to pay for going back to life. The officer stopped in front of an opened gate and nodded in their direction. Jane saw Jodie rushing to her cell, closing the door behind her while Jane walked peacefully towards hers. Her eyes fell on the mostly bare walls, experiencing a sense of peace, and spun on herself when she heard the officer knock on her door.

-Lunchtime.  
-Sure.

She smiled before walking back towards the gate, waiting for the officer and Jodie to arrive, noting the dark circles under her eyes and the way she kept her head down, cowering at the slightest of sounds. They walked down the corridors, and Miss Bennett appeared at a corner, surprised to see them.

-What’s happened ?  
-They left the slot I was escorting them to the dining room.  
-Leave it with me, I think Miss Miles wouldn’t mind some help in the yard.

The officer turned her heels, leaving both Jane and Jodie under Vera’s care.

-Alright, come on.

Jane followed the petite officer, stealing glances at Jodie once in a while, making sure she didn’t fall behind. They arrived in front of the door, and Miss Bennett held it open for them. They entered, the sounds of chatters stopping, some staring at Jane as if it was the first time they saw her and others staring at the frail form of Jodie as she made her way to have her tray filled. Jane had her tray filled too, and sat opposite to Jodie at the same table, minding her own business as the people around them started to gossip. Bea shared a look with Maxine before seeing Miss Bennett’s expression at seeing Jodie cry on her chair.

-We need to find out what happened.

Maxine, Doreen, Jess, and Liz glanced at Bea, who was drinking her water, her eyes never leaving Jodie.

-How do we proceed ? Asked Maxine.  
-We talk to Jane first.  
-She doesn’t seem worst for wear, said Doreen.  
-I wonder what happened there, then again, Jodie stayed in the slot for two weeks, added Liz.  
-How long did Jane stay in the slot ? Inquired Jess.  
-We’ll ask her later, love. Give her time to get her bearings.

Bea and Maxine shared a look before standing up, emptying their trays; Liz, Doreen, and Jess following, the group leaving the room going towards H1.  
Jane had left the dining room and decided to go back to her cell before work duty, craving the calm before being thrown back into the laundry. She walked along the walls of the prison, and when she reached her unit, saw everyone seated in the main room, chatting and laughing. Jane was about to open her cell door when she heard her name, making her spin on herself.

-Yes ?  
-Come here.

Jane walked in the middle of the room, her eyes never leaving Bea’s.

-Can I help you ?  
-I think you can, yeah.  
-How long have you been in the slot, love ?  
-Four long, boring weeks.  
-That’s awful ! Exclaimed Jess.  
-All because you stepped up against Lucy ? Asked Doreen incredulously.  
-I wouldn’t know. But one good aspect of the slot was how much calmer it is.  
-You’re probably the only one even remotely missing that place, laughed Maxine.  
-Probably, smiled Jane.  
-How was the slot ?  
-Boring, as I said.  
-Didn’t hear anything ? See anything ?

Jane kept staring at Bea, impassive, tilting her head on the side, until the silence fed Bea up.

-What happened to Jodie ?

Maxine glanced sideways at Bea, who was staring straight ahead at Jane.

-I wouldn’t know.  
-And I think being in the slot with Jodie means you have an idea.  
-Bea, she only just came back, give her a breather.  
-Being in the slot at the same time as Jodie doesn’t mean I know everything that goes on in it. I thought you’d know.  
-I’m being nice, Jane.  
-And ?  
-What happened in the slot.  
-Nothing.  
-Listen to me you..  
-Bea.

Maxine stood beside the redhead, eyeing both her friend and Jane.

-Let it go if Jane doesn’t know anything..  
-She was in the slot with Jodie. And she seems to be alright.  
-Jodie and I are not the same person. What I can handle and what she can handle isn’t on the same level.  
-Then explain to me why Jodie is in that state.  
-I wouldn’t know, repeated Jane.  
-Bea. Jane has been in no quarrel, no lagging ever since she arrived. She’s stayed clear of the drugs. And she’s always kept to herself.  
-Maxi is right, love.

Bea glanced at her friends before staring directly through Jane’s eyes, her face mere centimeters away.

-If I find out you lied to me, you’re fucked.

Jane scoffed, shaking her head. She walked away, entering her cell, and closed the door behind her, letting her body fall on the prison-issued mattress. Overhearing the conversation continuing on the other side of the door.

-Don’t you think you came out strong onto her ?  
-I know you’re worried about Jodie, but attacking Jane isn’t going to improve anything.  
-Anyways, even if Jane did know something, she’d not talk, and you know it. She never talked about anything, and she protects herself that way.  
-How d’you know ? Inquired Doreen.  
-Come one, she’s been here for three months, you can’t tell me you didn’t catch onto the fact she’s irreproachable. Hasn’t lagged, hasn’t fought except to defend herself, hasn’t picked sides, nothing, explained Maxine.  
-It’s always the quiet ones, answered Bea.  
-Well, it’s useless to dwell on that for now.

Jane rolled her eyes. If her roommates were to know even one-tenth of what had happened during their stay in the slot, they’d pull their hair out. Her thoughts wandered off to the Governor, to the last time she had seen her in person, that night. She had heard her come back to Jodie’s cell during the following days, and she still had heard the young woman cry until she fell asleep. Causing Jane to stay awake longer than she wished for, and to pray for sleep to claim her before Jodie was brought back to her cell, and cried again. Two weeks. Two long weeks of hearing the same thing every night. And yet, she never came back.

* * *

Jane was seated on a bench, letting the sun bathe her face as she heard the door of the yard open. God, she had missed it, the warmth of the sun and the air on her skin. She turned her head and saw Liz walk in, seemingly on edge. As Maxine and Bea chatted, Boomer was sat looking around, her bandaged hands still constricting her. The young woman shared a silent look with Doreen before staring at Liz as she heard her speak to the figure who passed in front of them, rushing to her, causing Jane to stare.

-Excuse me, Governor ! Can I speak to you please ? It's urgent.  
-What is it ? Asked the Governor, stopping in front of the fence.

Jane was looking at Joan while she spoke to Liz, nothing about her had changed. Except for the fact she didn’t meet her eyes. She saw Mister Jackson step in and glanced at Bea, Maxine, and Boomer as Liz’s voice became louder.

-Oh god, you don’t understand.  
-I understand perfectly.  
-I need to speak to my daughter, said Liz raising her voice.  
-You will not raise your voice to me, Birdsworth.  
-Oh, I will do more than raise my friggin’ voice. I will tear this bloody fence down if somebody won’t help me..

More people started to stare at where the voices were coming from, Jane’s head tilting on the side at the calm the older woman was presenting, despite the shaking of the fence.

-Release the fence and walk away.  
-I just think it's a reasonable thing to ask.

Bea stood from her table quickly and walked towards Liz, placing a gentle hand on her arm, causing her to face the redhead.

-Hey, hey !  
-I just want to speak to Sophie, OK ? Cause I can’t. Don’t you dare touch me !  
-Move it.

Guards grabbed Liz by the arms, dragging her away as well as they could despite her complaints and pleas.

-I just want to get in touch with her ! I just want to speak to Sophie !  
-It’s Ok. It’s OK, Liz. Shouted Bea.  
-Just let go of me, mate ! Get off ! Can’t I call her ? I want to speak to my daughter ! Please !

Jane saw Bea and Maxine standing near Boomer, judging her.

-You’re supposed to be keeping an eye on her, Boomer.

Boomer looked up at Bea, her hands lift up, showing the gloves protecting her burns. The redhead sighed and shifted her head, her eyes crossing path with that of the Governor before she turned towards her friend, shaking her head. Jane, on the other hand, had not moved from her place on the table, her eyes fixed on the dark-haired woman. The chocolate eyes fell into hers, and the younger woman saw a distinct tensing in her jaw before she averted her eyes and walked away abruptly, causing Jane to lift an eyebrow. She exhaled sharply, squinting her eyes, at the spot the Governor had disappeared from.

* * *

Jane was staring up the ceiling, it didn’t matter where she was, sleep always had trouble finding her. Even more so when she was on a mission, she had come to realize. Jane took deep breaths, turning under the covers until she heard whimpers. She furrowed her brows, raising her head slightly, listening.

-Just leave me the fuck alone !

The scream had surprised her. She sat down, recognizing Jodie’s voice, discerning Franky’s as well.

-What the fuck did the Freak do to you in the slot ?  
-Nothing. She didn’t do anything to me.  
-Bullshit. You fucked me over.  
-No, baby I didn’t.  
-Don’t lie to me.  
-I’m not. I can’t tell you. I can’t.  
-It was red, wasn’t it ?

Jane couldn’t discern anything anymore, but her brain started working. She heard a cell door and laid back, pretending to be asleep as she heard footsteps getting closer. She knew the drugs were Franky’s, but she had not realized it was Bea Smith who had advised them where to  
look. She heard the footsteps go further away in the unit and opened her eyes, thinking back to Liz’s meltdown, the moment she had seen Joan again for the first time since last time, how quick she had been to divert her gaze.

* * *

Jane was sitting on a table, reading a book under the sun, chatter filling her ears, the breeze caressing her arms.

-Mind if I sit down ?

She looked up and saw Liz smiling at her.

-Not at all, please.

Liz sat down, looking around before taking a glance at her book.

-Whatcha reading ?  
-Psychology, regarding traumas.  
-Wow, looking to be a psychologist, love ?  
-Not really, I’ve just always found that interesting, alongside psychiatry.  
-Is someone you know in this field ?  
-Yes, answered Jane, gritting her teeth.

A silence took place between them, and Jane glanced to her right, noting Liz’s eyes lost in the void.

-Are you all right ?  
-Hm ?  
-Are you all right ? Repeated Jane.  
-Yeah, I’m fine, love.  
-And your daughter ? How is she adjusting ?  
-She’s getting the hang of it.  
-That’s good.  
-Yeah, I don’t know.  
-Well, at least she’s got you to look after her.  
-You’re right, it’s just... Drunk driving ?

Jane shook her head, shrugging, placing the bookmark between the pages, glancing at Sophie a few meters away.

-Learned behavior, maybe ?  
-Can you imagine ?

Jane looked down for a second, something which did not go unnoticed by Liz, who turned to face her.

-What is it ?  
-Nothing.  
-You know you can talk to me, love.  
-I know, Liz. Really, it’s nothing.  
-Does this have to do with Jodie ?

Jane sighed, and Liz looked around before scooting closer.

-What’s with Jodie ? Why would Bea think you know something ?  
-Franky might have spoken to her.  
-What on earth could she say ?  
-I was already in the slot when Franky arrived, but I want no part in this.  
-So something did happen ?  
-Maybe, maybe not. If she doesn’t talk, I’m not the one who’s going to.  
-I just hope you know what you’re doing, love.

Jane nodded and saw inmates gather at the center of the basketball field. A ball in hand, ready to throw it again after Maxine marked a point. Doreen and Jess had entered the yard and were walking towards their friends, all smiles.

-Maxine, who is winning ? Inquired Jess.  
-We are. Hey. Hello. How’d the obstetrician go ?  
-Oh yeah. Really good. Everything’s as it should be, and sorted out a birth plan, eh ? Informed Doreen.  
-Oh, Dor, I’m really bloody sorry. I completely forgot, love.  
-Oh, that’s alright. You know, you’ve got a lot on your mind. But it’s OK because Jess came with me.  
-How’d it go ?  
-Well, we heard the baby’s heartbeat, and it was so amazing.  
-Was it ?  
-Concentrate !

Jane diverted her eyes to the game and saw people getting rilled up. She distinguished Jodie at the back, looking grim, her hands in her pockets.

-That was a fucking foul ! Yelled Stella.  
-Give her the ball, you skank.  
-You got two balls, Juice.

Bea and Maxine were watching, trying to get everyone back to playing, while Jane’s eyes never left Jodie, the group of hostile inmates starting to get closer as the argument grew.

-Why don’t you give her one of your own ?  
-Oh, go finger yourself, Franky, or maybe you want me to do it for you.  
-Just play the game !  
-Aw, cut it out, guys ! Ordered Bea.

A fight broke out, causing the officers to get involved. Jane saw Maxine pushed against Doreen, causing her to hit the table under the murderous glare of Jess Warner. Jane stood and shoved the inmate away, threatening as she outstretched her hands peacefully, stepping back, and Jane turned to the group and met eyes with Jess, who smiled at her. She’d have to keep an eye on that one. She looked back at the fight and saw Bea fall, a pained expression taking place on her face as Franky walked closer, holding her hands out. Jane saw Jodie getting away her face dark, she saw her do something but couldn’t tell what given the commotion happening in front of her.

-Sorry, Red.  
-Hey. Hey. No, Bea. You’re bleeding, love.

All eyes turned to Bea, who lifted her sleeveless shirt, a deep cut on her back appearing from under the teal fabric. Mister Jackson and Miss Bennett started giving orders, while Jane kept staring at Jodie. Thinking.

-She’s been shived. Added Liz, holding her daughter’s hand.  
-Up against the wall. Ordered Mister Jackson.

Miss Bennett stared at every inmate, glancing at her colleague and the wound on Bea’s back. Bea left to go to medical with an officer, and Maxine turned to Franky, angry, searching for anything on her face.

-What the fuck ?  
-Okay, up against the wall.

Jane sat back down on the table, staying with her unit, as she observed the inmates get searched, all fed up and complaining except for Jodie, who was calm, too calm. She glanced at the people with her before feeling eyes on her. She looked up, and her eyes fell into the deep chocolate of the Governor's. She could discern a slight smirk as the older woman looked down at the yard, and it didn’t take Jane much time to figure out what it meant. She saw the Governor walk farther into her office and glanced back at the yard, exhaling sharply.

* * *

Jane was walking down the corridor, thinking, not able to stop her mind. The pieces gradually making sense. She was playing a dangerous game, and Jane hoped she knew that. She saw Miss Miles appear at a corner and stood in front of her, making the woman stare at her, her brows furrowed.

-What is it, Foster ?  
-I’d like to meet with the Governor.  
-Why is that ?  
-I don’t remember having to give a reason, Miss Miles.  
-I don't have time for this.  
-It’s important.  
-What’s going here ?

Both women turned, seeing Miss Bennett walk towards them.

-Foster’d like to speak to the Governor.  
-Could you ask her Miss Bennett ? It’s important.  
-Birdsworth thought her request was urgent too.

Jane stared at Linda, her face hard.

-Liz is a mother who was inquiring about her daughter who had gone under the radar. She had every reason to be on edge, especially since everybody else had shut her down. Please, Miss Bennett. I wouldn’t be asking if it was not important.

Vera glanced at Jane seeing her hopeful face, she nodded before detaching herself from the group, taking hold of the talkie at her hip, talking into it. Jane saw the surprised expression the officer tried to conceal before walking back to them with a sorry expression. Causing Jane to try and think of anything she’d have done to grieve the Governor so.

-I’m sorry, but Ms. Ferguson isn’t able to take your request. Could I help in any way ?

Jane smiled at Miss Bennett, her insides twisting, softening her eyes.

-No, thank you, Miss Bennett. I’ll just try again another time. Thank you for your time.  
-No problem Jane.

* * *

-Where is it ?

Jane lifted her eyes from her book, listening to the commotion outside her cell.

-What ?  
-Ow !  
-The shiv.

She heard Jodie yelp in pain and furrowed her brows. How could they know ? Nothing pointed at Jodie. Jane started to think, perhaps Joan had gone to Smith while she was in medical to gloat. Wouldn’t be the first time, nor would it be surprising. Her need to gloat would be her undoing if she didn’t start being careful. She stood up and opened her cell door to be able to hear what was being said, as quietly as she could.

-Hey !  
-Fuck.  
-Hey, Jodie. When you pissed yourself you weren’t trying to dodge a drug test. You were scared shitless. I’m not angry. No. I just want you to tell me the truth, all right ? I think Ferguson got to you in the slot. She gave you the shiv too, yeah ? Give you a little bit of gear maybe ? She did, didn’t she ? She got you high and she told you to come at me. Didn’t she Jodie ? It’s all right. You can tell me. Didn’t she ? Just say it. Did she ?  
-Alright. I didn’t have a choice. What else could I do ? The fucking Freak made me do it, answered Jodie, her voice shaking.  
-And Jane ? Why didn’t she tell ?  
-There is nothing to tell, she doesn’t know !  
-So something happened ?  
-I can’t tell !

Jane took a deep breath, closing her door silently as she sat down, opening her book again, her eyes on the words but her mind out of this cell, thinking about the things she had just heard. She was playing a dangerous game, and it seemed she didn’t take her seriously about lessening the load on Jodie. A smirk appeared on her lips when she thought about what had happened that night. How she had brought the impressive woman to her level, and how insecure she had felt. It had almost made her feel human. Jane did not quite fathom why she had been escaping her, but she knew one thing, she’d have to talk to her one way or the other. And confront her before things got out of hand.


	2. Chapter 2

-Though I must ask, Vera, just in light of this deliberate deception, just where does your loyalty lie ?  
-With you, Governor. Weakly answered Vera.  
-I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear that.  
-With you, Governor. Always with you.

Joan glanced up at her, squinting her eyes, searching hers, seeing worry take place on her face. She nodded, taking the rag from one of her drawers.

-Incinerate that.  
-Yes, Governor.

Joan watched as Vera headed out, cleaning the spot on which she had laid the shiv. She slumped in her chair slightly, glancing down. How could she still see him after the way he had treated her ? How he had treated Joan as well. All his missteps within the prison, or even with the prisoners. Needless to mention the debacle with Mister Jackson. She gritted her teeth and heard knocks, making her look up at her door.

-Come in.

Linda opened the door and stayed there as Joan stared at her.

-What is it, Miss Miles ?  
-Prisoner Foster has requested to meet, again.

Joan remained impassive, despite the chaos within her. She had been avoiding Jane since that evening because she could not afford to be distracted. Or at least it was what she was telling herself. She couldn’t stop questioning herself, and the pressure from Channing and the Board on top of Smith’s plans made it all the more complicated for her.

-What should I tell her, Governor ?  
-I can’t, I’m busy. Is there a problem ?

Linda closed her mouth as Joan spoke again, she had already given that answer to Jane last time, and this time she wasn’t certain the inmate would believe it. Not that it was any of her problems anyway.

-No, Governor.  
-Good.

Linda left the office, and Joan placed the rag in one of the drawers of her desk, thinking about Jane. Reflecting on what her reaction would be at the news that Joan couldn’t see her. Would she be bothered ? Would she be cross ? Indubitably she wouldn’t be, not over her. Her mind and feelings had been all over the place lately. She couldn’t seem to get a grip on them, and it irritated her more than she cared to admit. Causing her father’s voice to taunt her more often, and god, she loathed it. Loathed it and yet sought it. She couldn’t shake these feelings away, these… Sensations inside of her. She shouldn’t have let that happen. It had opened a dam she wasn’t sure could be closed, despite her best efforts. Every time her mind wandered back to that evening and the way her body felt, she couldn’t help but feel that all of it was wrong, couldn’t prevent her father’s voice from haunting her from where he was ingrained, deep within. Joan closed her eyes, exhaling sharply. She stood, taking her things. She had to get away, to find a way to exteriorize these feelings somehow. The older woman thought for a second and left her office. Her fencing gear was in the trunk of her car, so she could most definitely go there without needing to stop at her apartment. She clocked out under the questioning gaze of Linda, but she left without paying attention to her, lost in her thoughts. She unlocked her car and sat down on the driver’s seat, closing the door behind her. Shutting her eyes. She had meant it when she had told her she didn’t want for it to be a one-time thing. But she couldn’t wrap around her head what to do nor say. She also had no idea how her come back would be received, but she’d bet it’d be taken poorly. Joan gripped her head between her hands, muttering under breath, her jaw tensing. Feeling torn. She turned on the car and left towards the fencing studio, hoping it’d bring her clarity.

* * *

-Can I have a seat ?

Franky looked up at Bea, pushing the chair with her foot. They studied each other for a minute before Franky finally spoke.

-Whatever you’re trying with Jodes, it won’t work.  
-I need your help.  
-What makes you think I want to help you ?  
-Because I’m asking nicely.

Franky scoffed before she shrugged and tilted her head, waiting, causing Bea to try once more.

-We have to get Jodie to report on Ferguson. OK, I fucked up. You warned me about the Freak, and I thought I knew better, she admitted.  
-Sorry, not interested.

The brunette left the dining area, Bea on her heel, going down the stairs.

-Hey, don’t you want to make Ferguson pay ?  
-What ? And give Jodie more grief ? What you did to her is fucked enough.  
-You don’t get it, do you ? Someone had to take the fall for the drugs. If it wasn’t her, it was going to be you. You were the one that she wanted all along.  
-The fuck ?  
-You still care about Jodie, don’t you ? You were in the slot with her. You must have some sense of what Ferguson was doing to her to get her to shiv me. Now, we can take the Freak down together.

Bea watched as Franky seemed conflicted. Looking around to make sure no one heard them.

-Jane won’t talk.  
-We’ll make her, don’t worry. But who we need is Jodie. If she doesn’t talk, we can do nothing. Goddamnit Franky, she’s been in the slot for two weeks, don’t tell me you don’t want to know ?  
-I didn’t say that.  
-And you said Jane told her to tone it down. She either doesn’t care, didn’t pick up on whatever happened, or knows something and is fucking with us.  
-She heard Jodie cry, but when Smiles and Gidget asked her, she said she didn’t hear anything out of the ordinary.  
-Then we try to make them both talk. It’s not important who talks first, but we need info, so we can take the Freak down. We can do this.

Bea stared at Franky expectedly, searching her eyes for the answer. The brunette sighed, unsure, but still nodded in the direction of the redhead, who smiled triumphantly.

* * *

-Prisoner Foster has made a request. Again.

Joan's eyes flew to Vera, who was looking at her suspiciously, her fingers laced in front of her, a distinct tension in her jaw.

-Governor, why won’t you see her ?  
-Because I don’t have the time for that, Miss Bennett. The Board and Mister Channing are breathing down on us, me, more specifically. Smith’s actions have drawn the attention on us all, and this prison is not yet freed of drugs despite my best efforts. I have more significant things to do. -You had thirty minutes two da..

The look in the older woman's eyes caused Vera to stop mid sentence, swallowing thickly.

-Why don’t you take her request ?  
-I tried. She wants to speak to you only.

Joan suppressed a smile at the words, staring at Vera, stoic. She adjusted the files on her desk before standing up, buttoning the last button of her work jacket.

-Miss Bennett, could you tell Miss Westfall I need to see her.  
-What should I tell her ?  
-Regarding Foster’s file.  
-Still nothing new ?

Joan spun on herself, glancing at Vera.

-No, nothing.

Vera nodded and left, walking towards the psychologist’s office, while Joan stared at the window. It was the fourth time Jane had requested to see her. A blush took place, reddening her cheeks, making her hot under the collar. She clenched her jaw, closing her eyes, her brows furrowed. She couldn’t get her out of her head, and Jane asking to see her didn’t help with that. The fencing had helped, but she found out that whenever she thought about the younger woman, these thoughts came rushing back as if they had never left. Joan stood, looking down at the yard when she heard knocking and turned to face the door.

-Enter.

Bridget entered the office, clearly unhappy to be here, while Joan remained where she was.

-What can I do for you, Governor ?  
-I wondered if I could enquire about an inmate.  
-Why is that ?

Joan smiled tightly, of course, Miss Westfall wouldn’t make it easy for her, now would she ?

-Jane Foster. Her file is bare.  
-And ?  
-And I wondered what you could tell me about her.  
-I cannot discuss the inmates.  
-As Governor Miss Westfall, if I cannot know what brings the people to be under my care, I cannot do my job properly.  
-Why not asking Jane directly ?  
-She suggested I should ask you. Do you see any objection to that ?

Bridget sighed through her nose, displeased to be placed in this position.

-I didn’t know her file was restricted for you. Otherwise, I’d have told you.  
-Of course, you would have.

Both women stared at each other, Joan raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow, waiting patiently.

-She’s here because she’s done something reprehensible.

Joan blinked at the answer, suppressing a scoff, lacing her fingers together in front of her.

-Miss Westfall, if I wanted to know the obvious, I’d have asked Mister Fletcher.  
-I don’t have much either.  
-And with what you have ?

Bridget gritted her teeth, placing her hands on her waist, taking a deep breath.

-She’s working for our Government.

The answer took Joan by surprise, she didn’t even try to hide her curiosity as she stared down at the yard and spotted Jane standing under the sun, her hair shining, the gorgeous warm tones accentuated by the sunshine, her skin glowing.

-She’s not even twenty-five.  
-I know.  
-If she’s working for our Government, how come she is here and doesn’t have immunity ?  
-They just said that while they sorted things out about her last mission she’d have to remain here, the Board didn’t see any problem to it and didn’t bother asking what it is she’s done.

Joan thought for a moment before glancing at Bridget.

-She takes care of people for other people. Whispered Joan.  
-But she’s not a hitwoman, is she now ? Asked the blonde.  
-Maybe not, but you said it yourself, Miss Westfall, if she works for the Government, and she does, take care, of people for them..  
-That doesn’t concern us.

Bridget cut Joan mid-sentence, leading the older woman to look suspiciously at the forensic psychologist.

-Is there something you’re not telling me, Miss Westfall ?

The blonde held the gaze of the older woman, feeling swallowed into the deep, dark colour of her eyes, making her feel uneasy, before relenting.

-She was sent on a mission to kill a foreign man. He was at the head of an organization  
I don’t know.  
-And where was this mysterious man from ? Asked Joan as she watched Jane sunbathe.

Jane opened her eyes, looking around, her eyes falling on the Governor’s window, discovering the older woman looking down at her. Jane thought for a second, trying to decide how to appear to the older woman. She kept pushing her away, and she didn’t know why, which bored her greatly. But then again, she recalled how she had been during that night, and if it was anything to go by, it gave her little information as to what could go on inside the older woman’s head. Alongside the fact, Jane was not one to push or be overly emotional. Still, she made her decision. She smiled, the smile reaching her eyes as she saw Joan trailing a finger on the glass of the window, her lips slightly parted. She saw her eyes widening as she kept staring down at Jane. Making the younger woman wonder if someone was with her. Jane decided to blow her a kiss in front of the other inmates, causing some to turn towards her, and others to taunt her. Bea, Maxine, Doreen, Liz, and Jess stared at her incredulously, wondering what they had just witnessed. Bea and Maxine shared a look before glancing at Franky, who shrugged, just as surprised as they were. They both nodded towards Jane, as Jane looked up to the Governor’s office, Franky’s brows furrowing, as she glanced back at the friends.

-What was that about ? Asked Jess.  
-No fucking idea.  
-I’ll go and see her, you stay here, said Liz.

Jane kept staring at the Governor’s window seeing her glance back down, their eyes meeting again. Jane winked at her, seeing the expression on the older woman change, before resuming to sunbathe, her eyes closed. She enjoyed feeling the sun on her skin, the cool breeze counterbalancing the pleasant weather.

-Hey, love.

Jane opened her eyes, blinking, seeing Liz arrive with a big smile on her face.

-Is everything alright ?  
-Of course, just wondering how you were feeling out here all on your own ?  
-I’m… Rather well.  
-Why is that ?

Jane smirked, looking back up to the Governor’s office, seeing Joan looking at her. Liz followed her eyes and saw the Governor flinch, her face stern, moving away from the window.

-What was that about ?  
-That what ?  
-Love, you blew a kiss to the Governor ?

Jane smiled, looking at Liz, she laughed before turning to face her.

-Yes, I did. So what?  
-You know how that’s going to sound like to the others. People might start believing you’re lagging.  
-I’ve been a good girl ever since I arrived, Liz.  
-It’s the Governor, Jane.  
-Listen, I know the rest of H1 doesn’t like what they just saw. But if they can’t tell I enjoy the teasing and playful banter. I can’t do anything for them.  
-So that’s what it is ? You playing with the Governor ?  
-More or less. It’s entertaining to see her reactions.  
-People have gotten hurt for less than that.  
-She’s intriguing, and I’m not one to back away from danger, Liz.  
-And what am I supposed to tell Bea, she saw you, and she already thinks you’re hiding something about Jodie.  
-Tell her what you want, I’ll keep on playing with the Governor. It makes my days more bearable, plus she isn’t what I would call bad looking.  
-Jane, started Liz.  
-I’m simply stating a fact. She’s appealing to anyone with eyes, and I enjoy engaging in these games.  
-Love, you risk getting hurt. If not by her, then by the other inmates who don’t like her.  
-I’ll take my chances, Liz.

Liz sighed, rubbing her temples, looking at Jane defeated, like a mother who didn’t succeed to resonate with one’s child. Jane sat back down properly, staring at the blonde.

-I appreciate the thought and the warning, Liz, but I’ll be fine. I’ve dealt with bigger fish than them, said Jane nodding towards the rest of H1, Or the Governor.

Jane smiled tightly at Liz before leaving to go to the library, leaving Liz alone at the table. She made her way back to the rest of H1, and all eyes fell on her, expectantly.

-How did it go ?  
-She likes to toy with the Governor, so it seems.  
-She’s got a death wish ?  
-I don’t know Dor, but she seems to like to taunt her.  
-Just that ?  
-Aside from the fact she isn’t afraid of her ?

Bea nodded, and Liz decided otherwise, if she were to tell her what Jane had told her, Bea would start making all sorts of scenarios in her head, and Jane would likely end up anywhere but not in her cell in one piece.

-Not that I know of. She just likes the banter, says she isn’t afraid of her. Went against bigger people than her.

The group shared looks, clearly thinking Jane must either be mad or careless. Maxine looked over to the right, seeing Jodie her eyes closed, the lack of sleep starting to show. Bea took the water bottle from her friend’s hands, walking towards Jodie. She hit the wood around the flowerbed, startling her.

-Fuck.  
-Hi, Jodie.

The brunette started scratching her forearm, and Bea swore under her breath before handing her the water bottle, which Jodie gladly took.

-Here, you should drink something.

Jodie drank and gave back the bottle to Bea, continuing to scratch her arm.

-You got to stop that. It’s not good for you.  
-I can’t.  
-Look. I know you think I’m the enemy, but I’m not. She is, OK. So if you just tell us what she did to you, then this will all be over.  
-I can’t…  
-I could also go to Jane to know. You know, ask her, maybe even bash her if she doesn’t feel like telling.  
-I can’t. I can’t !  
-OK. Alright. Then there’s only one way this is going to end.

Bea stood, walking towards Maxine as Jodie cried, holding her head.

-We got to stop her from hurting herself. She goes to medical she’s out of our reach.  
-Right. There’s also the other reason.  
-What ?  
-She might actually hurt herself. Just don’t forget why she ended up in the slot, OK ? It was us who put her there.

* * *

-Ah, Jane !  
-Ms. Westfall.  
-Please have a seat, that’ll be all Jefferson.

The psychologist watched as Jane made her way inside her office, lazily looking around.

-You asked to see me ?  
-Yes, replied Bridget standing up, walking towards the chairs near the window, It’s been a while and I wanted to know how you’re adjusting, especially after your long stay in the slot.  
-Very well, thank you.  
-And the other inmates ? I suspect things are a bit tense, aren’t they ?  
-Why would they be ?

Bridget shrugged, giving Jane a sympathetic look.

-Well, you did take on four inmates..  
-Five.

Jane raised her eyebrow at Bridget, who was staring at her, her lips parted.

-Five, my apologies.  
-No harm done.  
-You sent Lucy and her friends to medical. I’m surprised they weren’t sent to the hospital.  
-I knew what I was doing. Only a novice would have hurt them in ways that could have proven life-threatening to them.  
-Does the fact you knew what you were doing change anything ? I mean, you still ended up in the slot.  
-Officers did their job.  
-You were just defending yourself. Surely they could have let you walk freely and take care of Lucy and her friends. And then, sent them to the slot.  
-I won’t pretend I know everything about how this place is run, Ms. Westfall.

Bridget stared at Jane, nodding, seeing the stoic face of the young woman tilted on the side, waiting.

-Speaking about how Wentworth is run, I’ve heard you asked to meet with the Governor, repeatedly.  
-I have.  
-Would you like to discuss why ?  
-I believe if I wanted to discuss it with you, Ms. Westfall, I would have come to you instead.  
-It seemed like whatever you wanted to tell her was important.

Jane’s eyes landed into the blonde’s, staring deeply, causing the psychologist to feel uncomfortable.

-Why don’t you want to talk about it ?  
-I’m well aware I have to keep to myself and be scarce about what I share. I also know your relationship with the Governor isn’t the most fruitions.  
-Is this why you don’t want to tell me ? Because we do not get along ?  
-Might I inquire as to whom told you about this ?  
-Why ?  
-Humor me, replied Jane, resting her back on the chair, bored.  
-I’m not in the possibility to tell about other people.  
-Ms. Westfall, I couldn’t care less what the people here say about me, the things I do. They can believe what they want, it’s their right. I won’t start anything simply because there is nothing to start.

Bridget searched Jane’s eyes, finding nothing in the deep green to indicate animosity or something dark, just curiosity.

-Even so, I’m not able to tell you who said that. But I know she denied requests, four, correct me if I’m wrong ?

Jane nodded negatively.

-And I’ve also been told you like to play with the Governor.  
-So it’s either Miss Miles, Miss Bennett, and someone from H1.  
-Maybe, don’t forget words go fast within these walls.

Jane half smiled, looking through the window lifting her chin to get a better view.

-What do you mean by playing ? She’s the Governor, don’t you think you should be a little afraid of her ?

The younger woman kept a straight face at the implication. The moment she had gone down on her knees to please the woman coming back at the forefront of her mind.

-I’ve dealt with bigger fishes, as I’ve informed Liz. Ms. Ferguson might be the Governor, a power figure, but I’m not intimidated.  
-You’d be the first person in this place to say that.  
-Does that surprise you ?

Bridget smiled, shaking her head, twirling the pen between her fingers.

-Not really. But what is it you do ? Why do you do these things ? What do they generate in you ?  
-Makes this place less dull. She’s a... Particular audience.  
-Audience ?  
-Absolutely. She’s quite entertaining to watch as well.  
-Entertaining ?

Jane turned to face the psychologist, impassive, squinting.

-Surely you’d have noticed, being a psychologist and working with women, inmates all day ?  
-I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.

The younger woman raised an eyebrow, if Bridget had not perceived something as simple a fact as this, she was not going to be the one to tell her. The silence lengthened, and Bridget scribbled something down before glancing at Jane.

-Can you describe me the things you do ?  
-I express things.  
-Such as ?  
-Good morning Governor, looking beautiful this morning.

Jane saw as her sentence caught Bridget off guard, her eyes widening ever so slightly, readjusting her place on her chair.

-I see, and what does she answer to that ?  
-Nothing, she doesn’t have to.  
-Why ?  
-Her face speaks for itself. You should pay more attention last time it was a faint blush on her cheeks.  
-A blush ?  
-I’ve also said to her that the uniform looked good on her.

Bridget looked bewildered at Jane’s comments, her lips parted and her brows furrowed.

-Please, Ms. Westfall, you cannot deny her tailored uniform fits her perfectly. You have eyes, and so do I.  
-I guess she possesses certain charms. But I never considered her that way.  
-That’s a shame. But aside from that, I’ve winked at her and blew her kisses.

At this, Bridget laughed, causing Jane to stare at her, judging, tilting her head on the side, confused.

-Is there something fun Ms. Westfall ?

Bridget stopped laughing altogether upon hearing the indifferent voice coming from the young woman, examining her eyes.

-You are serious ?  
-Well, you asked, didn’t you ?  
-Why would you do that ?  
-It entertains me, brightens my day, so to speak.  
-You’re engaging in a risky game, if she gets exasperated of your taunting, she might consider retaining you in the slot indefinitely.  
-I guess we’ll only know once that happens, anyways. What do you make of the Governor Ms. Westfall, honestly of course. Her way to manage things, the prison…

Jane looked at Bridget expectantly, her hands resting peacefully on her thighs.

-She runs the place with an iron grip.  
-I inquired what you thought, not what she is doing. I know you don’t like her, so no need to beat around the bush.  
-Why don’t you tell me about Sinclair instead ? We’re here to talk about you, not the Governor.

The fact the psychologist had dodged her question didn’t go unnoticed by Jane. But the mention of this place just made her stand impassive, feeling a fire rise within her chest.

-Not much to say, except for the fact I’m content I’m not there anymore. I didn’t have my place there.  
-You don’t think so ?  
-Naturally, nothing is wrong with me.  
-Some people might argue about that. You’ve proven to be charming ever since arriving here.  
-Thank you.  
-You know how to conduct yourself around people.  
-Obviously.  
-Did that ever help you make friends ?  
-It has.  
-Would you say you cared for them ?  
-No.

Bridget wrote down something on the paper in front of her, her eyes meeting Jane’s again.

-And your father ?  
-What about him ?  
-Well, he works at Sinclair, doesn’t he ? One could think you’d be happy to see him again.

Jane stared right through Bridget, thinking. She recognized the game she had to engage in here, she was used to it. Whatever it takes.

-Never been close. He wasn’t my doctor.  
-And when you were younger ?  
-Wasn’t there often. Raised by my mum.  
-I see, and where is she now ?  
-Away.  
-What do you mean ?

Jane stayed silent, letting the realization dawn upon the psychologist.

-Alright… I think our time is up.

The younger woman stood, walking towards the door.

-Jane.

She turned, facing Bridget who was on her feet too, staring at her.

-I’d be cautious if I were you, suggested the blonde who caught onto the perplexed expression of the woman in front of her, You’re playing a dangerous game with the Governor. And you might get injured. She is not a person you want to associate with. When she falls, be careful she doesn’t bring you with her.

Jane’s brain registered the information, her face remaining stoic as she nodded.

-Goodbye, Ms. Westfall.

* * *

-Please, Franky, just let me rest.  
-Sorry, Jodie.

Inside her cell, Jane stopped in her tracks, her pajamas shirt halfway down her body, she saw from the window on her door Bea with two mugs going towards Jodie’s cell. Jane lowered her shirt, taking the band off her hair, letting the caramel locks fall freely, walking out of her cell standing by the frame.

-Oh god. Just let me sleep. I’m going to fucking die.

Boomer was looking at the telly while Doreen glanced inside Jodie’s cell, a pained expression making it’s way.

-It’s torture.  
-Don’t shiv the top dog. Chocky ?

Doreen took the chocolate Boomer handed her, under Jane’s stoic gaze. She walked closer to Jodie’s cell, listening, while both Boomer and Doreen started looking at her after sharing a glance.

-Fuck.  
-Reckon she’ll be pretty hungry too. Yeah ? What’s it been, four or five days since she’s eaten ?  
-Yeah, something like that. Although, I heard that you can go for months without eating before it actually kills you.  
-Yeah, as long as you keep your fluids up.  
-Yeah. Otherwise, it’s just a matter of days before, you know.  
-It’s heart failure.  
-Hm ?  
-Heart failure that’s what kills you. Once your fat reserves are gone, your body starts taking energy from the muscles, and they start wasting away. The heart’s a muscle.  
-Right.  
-Yeah.  
-It’s 2 months.

Everyone turned towards Jane, surprise taking place on Bea, Franky, and Jodie’s faces.

-What ?  
-It’s on average two months for a person who’s not overweight. But it varies also because of gender, age, and health condition. As you said, one merely needs to keep their fluids up. Since fat serves as the primary source of energy after roughly two to three days of starvation. It’s going to form ketone bodies in the liver, reducing the brain’s need for glucose consequently. It’s once the fat is depleted that the sole source of energy, the proteins, are used.  
-What ??  
-That’s the muscles. There is a loss of heart, kidney, and liver function. Which ultimately causes death. But before that, you’d go through bone loss, which’s called osteoporosis. Muscle weakness and wasting, you’d be feeling cold. Your hair can get thinner or fall out, and your skin dries. You become fatigued, have shortness of breath..

Jane stopped as she saw the faces of the whole unit.

-And paleness from anaemia… Women can lose their menstrual cycle too, that’s amenorrhoea. Amongst other things.

Jodie’s eyes widened as she listened to Jane speak, not sure what scared her most. The fact she knew so much about that subject or the possible consequences on her health. Doreen and Boomer had shared a incredulous look, clearly not expecting what the younger woman had just said but kept in mind not to get into her bad side. While Bea and Franky stared at Jane, their eyebrow raised.

-Yeah, all of that Jodie, so maybe you should start talking.  
-Is that how you treat your friends ?  
-Excuse me ?  
-I said, is that how you treat your friends ? Or maybe they aren’t friends, just people under you since you are top dog.

Bea scoffed, bringing a fork filled with noodles to her mouth.

-Where d’you know all of that from Jane ? Asked Franky.  
-My job.  
-Your job ? What were you ? A hitman ?  
-Hitmen only kill. My job is much more complex than that.

This caused Franky to stop laughing and to turn towards Bea, her brows furrowed.

-You say you want to protect the women, and yet, you’re starving her because she doesn’t do what you demand.  
-Yeah so ?  
-So, you’re not any better than the Governor.  
-What was that ?  
-Did I stutter ?

Franky suppressed a laugh, eating her noodles, stealing glances at Jodie who seemed to be as equally starved as she was frightened. She glanced at Bea, who stopped eating and scoffed, while Jane's expression denoted a certain seriousness.

-Listen you brat, spat Bea angrily.

Both Jodie and Franky stared at Bea and Jane, alternating between the two, not knowing who to be afraid of more at this very moment.

-Unless you have something to say about your time in the slot, or Jodie’s. I’d suggest you  
shut it if you know what’s best for you.

Jane shook her head. She looked around the whole unit before her eyes landed on Bea again.

-You’re all hypocrites.  
-What’s ya problem ?  
-My problem, if I ever had one, Franky. Is that you hate the Governor because she injures people, so you say. But you’re no better. You don’t think there is a valid reason she doesn’t talk ?  
-She will.  
-You know in my job, starvation is an efficient way to get information. But it’s done in full knowledge of how the body works and meticulous planning. You look like children trying to make an experiment. Who puts another person at risk just to prove a point ?

That last sentence caused the Redhead to throw her fork in her cup, her face hard.

-Unless you have anything to say about the slot, fuck off.  
-Very well.

Jane glanced at Jodie tightlipped before casting a steely gaze at Bea and Franky. She exited the cell and walked back to hers.

-You weren’t serious, eh ?

Jane turned, sighing, an eyebrow raised ?

-What about, Boomer ?  
-Starvation and all that. Ain’t really your job right ?

The younger woman glanced at Doreen who seemed just as expecting as Boomer for an answer. If only they knew the things her work required of her.

-One of the numerous things my work is about. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed. Good night.

Jane entered her cell, closing the door behind her, taking a deep breath.

-Bea, I can’t do what you want. So please just stop, cried Jodie.

Jane nodded negatively, seemingly bored by the commotion next door. She sat down and laid on her bed. The cries stopping after a while. It promised to be on hell of a night. And Jane couldn’t help but let her thoughts wander towards a certain dark-haired woman, reflecting on what she was doing on the outside.

* * *

Joan was seated at her table, eating her dinner, her glass of vodka at the top right-hand corner of the placemat as it always was. She had begun her routine as soon as she stepped inside her apartment. Removed her coat, her shoes, her hairpins, slipped on her slippers, gone upstairs to switch to more comfortable clothes. Prepared her dinner, the table for one, and ate it. Never leaving any dish unwashed as soon as she used it. She found a sense of peace and relief in this routine, a sense of control. It helped her mind focus when things to become too much, or she needed some grounding. Repeating the same actions several times or for a certain amount of time, day after day. But tonight, just like the previous nights, her mind couldn’t stop the whirlwind of thoughts rushing through her skull. Infuriating her.  
She fed her goldfish, examining it as it swam towards it’s food, moving it’s fins eagerly.  
Joan smiled as the little being moved around, tilting her head before standing up, going upstairs to take a shower to wash away the day she just had. She arrived in her bedroom and went towards her wardrobe picking a clean pajama as she moved to her bathroom. She laid her pajamas on the bench near the radiator and disrobed, placing her clothes in the laundry basket. Her eyes caught her reflection in the mirror, and Jane’s words flashed before her eyes.

« -Did anyone ever tell you you’re beautiful ? »

She gritted her teeth, averting her eyes, stepping into the shower. She couldn’t think that. She wasn’t allowed to. It had been a moment of weakness, and it could not happen again. She opened the tap, placing it on cold, and switched on the showerhead hissing as the freezing water hit her skin. She picked up the shower gel and started rubbing it into her body thoroughly, feeling the cleansing water coursing down her body. Her mind drifted away, recalling the lips wrapped around her nipple as she washed her chest, making her grit her teeth, yet she didn’t stop. She tried pushing the thought at the far back of her mind, only for it to be replaced by the ghost sensation of lips trailing lower on her body as her hands washed lower as well. Joan sighed, her eyes closed. She felt her left hand raise itself to her lips, tracing the outline with a finger, still remembering the sensation of Jane’s lips on hers. She felt a warmth spreading through her and moaned, causing her eyes to snap open. She looked down, and her eyes widened as she took in the sight of her right hand between her thighs. Joan lifted both her hands, looking at them disgusted, hands of a killer. She cursed and washed them four more times before she was satisfied. She shampooed her hair quickly, unwilling to temp her mind more than she already was. She put on her pajamas and dried her hair with her towel, leaving the bathroom going to sit on her bed.  
She couldn’t get Jane out of her mind. She had tried ever since that evening and found all her attempts being unsuccessful. Trying to will these feelings down, these sensations. The more she tried, the less she succeeded, but the more her father taunted her. The more judgemental he became, his words ringing ever so loudly within her head. And tonight was no different, she felt constricted as she saw her father standing in front of the door of her bathroom, stern, standing straight.

«-You’re too scattered.»  
-I know.  
«-You shouldn’t let this inmate get to you. Remember how it ended last time.»

The words brought tears to Joan’s eyes, but she wielded them down, gritting her teeth.

-Her name was Jianna.  
«-It doesn’t matter, she’s dead.»  
- **She mattered to me ! I cared !**

Joan stood as she stared at her father, her hands balling into fists.

«-You know what happens when you let feelings overshadow your better judgment.»  
-Get out of my head, get out of my head, she muttered under her breath, holding her head between her hands.  
«-You need me. You cannot conduct yourself normally otherwise.»  
-Whose fault is that ?!  
«-Emotion lead to mistakes. They can cost one’s life.»  
- **I tried ! I cannot get her out of my head !**  
«-Try harder. I didn’t raise you to be sentimental.»  
- **I don’t know-how ! I tried, and it’s not good enough !**  
«-You need to put her in her place. Remind her who is in control.»  
-Leave me alone, leave me alone…  
«-You’re the one calling back to me. You need me to guide you. Otherwise, you’d already have banished me from your mind.»

Joan saw red and grabbed a book, hurling it in the direction she had seen her father, only to be met with the void. She stared at the spot for a few seconds before she slumped down on the ground, circling her knees with her arms, tightening her embrace, steadying her head on the bed behind her. Joan could still feel every little sensation she had experienced on that day as if it had been heightened and marked on her skin like engraved into stone. She could remember the happiness she felt, how liberating it had been. How much she had wanted it, wanted Jane not only to keep on but also give more. She felt her eyes burning with tears and scolded herself for not being able to hold them in. Not to be able to stop thinking about this, it was unacceptable. She was a disappointment. She hit her thigh with her fists repeatedly, breathing through her nose. Trying to beat these feelings out of her. Feeling her thigh burning under the repeated assault. She wasn’t supposed to feel, she was not allowed to have these things happening within her. She couldn’t think these things.  
Emotions were a mistake. And she was not allowed to make mistakes.


	3. Chapter 3

-It’s been days, Liz.  
-I know, love, but you know Bea and Franky.  
-It doesn’t mean it’s fair.

Doreen was sipping her cup of tea, seated on the sofa with Liz by her side.

-They’re supposed to make sure she rests and gets back on track, and they torture her.  
-She did shiv Bea, Dor.  
-Because of the Freak, Liz !  
-Listen, we don’t know that.  
-Well, what else could it be ?  
-You know the slot as well as I do, two weeks is long for someone like Jodie. Plus, it was Bea and Maxine who planted the drugs on her.  
-Why doesn’t Jane say anything ? Franky’s been saying she heard Jodie in the slot.  
-Because I have nothing to say.

Both women turned their heads toward the entrance of the unit, seeing Jane standing straight, staring at them, as she walked towards the kitchenette to pour herself a glass of water.

-I have already answered that question several times. I don’t know what more you expect of me.

Heavy footsteps echoed in the corridor, and Bea and Maxine entered the unit talking. Jane turned to face the sink and placed her glass at the bottom.

-Foster.

Everyone in the unit turned to the voice of Linda Miles standing by the gate.

-Miss Miles ?  
-Governor wants to see you.

Jane raised an eyebrow at the words. She took a quick glance at the rest of H1 who were all staring at her, and shrugged, smiling.

-I don’t want to anymore.  
-Don’t argue I don’t have the time for this. Move.

Jane kept smiling at the harsh words and nodded, following Miss Miles as the rest of the unit started talking between themselves, causing Jane to roll her eyes.  
Joan was seated at her desk, looking at her watch, fidgeting with her pen as she waited for Miss Miles to knock on the door again. She had told her to go fetch Jane, feigning finally having some time for her. But in all honesty, she had lots of papers to take care of. And the only reason she had asked for her was to put an end to whatever was going on.  
She heard knocking and took a deep breath, standing tall, straightening her jacket again.

-Come in.

Linda opened the door, making way for Jane who walked in her hands resting on her thighs, looking around at the office.

-I like the color.  
-That’ll be all Miss Miles.

The blonde left as Joan went to pull out the blinds separating her office from her secretary’s, causing Jane to raise an eyebrow watching as the older woman made her way behind her desk again, stern bothered.

-To what do I how the pleasure, Governor ? I thought you didn’t want to see me ? Well, that was after you said you did want to see me as a matter of fact.

Joan stayed silent, gritting her teeth as she stared at the younger woman who seemed peaceful yet with a tinge of irritation creeping up.

-I asked you here because..  
-Fours weeks, Governor.

Joan’s nose twitched at Jane cutting her mid-sentence. She passed her tongue over her bottom teeth as Jane opened her mouth again.

-I requested to meet with you. Four times. And you denied them all. Why, because you were busy ? Have you ever considered the fact what I had to say might be of interest ?  
-That is not the question.  
-It is as of right now.  
-You will not speak to me this way.

Joan's tone turned to ice, and Jane’s demeanor changed altogether.

-I will speak to you as I see fit, Joan.  
-It’s Governor.  
-Is this why you needed Jodie ? To shiv Bea Smith ? I recall us having some sort of agreement.  
-There was nothing. Nothing happened.

Jane furrowed her brows, staring at the older woman who laced her fingers together.

-I think you owe me an explication.  
-As Governor..  
-I couldn’t care less about your title, Joan. We had an agreement, and you broke it. You lied on top of everything, and you went under the radar for four weeks. I had important matters to discuss, and you denied each request. All of that for what ?  
-I did not..  
-Yes, you have.  
-Will you stop talking so that I may speak ?!

Jane raised an eyebrow at the older woman, seeing her staring out the window before closing her eyes.

-It’s all your fault.  
-Excuse me ? Scoffed Jane, her lips parted, furrowing her brows at the woman.  
-It’s your fault. I was fine before..  
-What is ?  
-You… You’re the cause of all of this…  
-The cause of what ?

Jane was staring at Joan, lost as she had ever been, seeing the older woman clench her jaw, her fingers twitching softly.

-This, whatever this is, needs to end.  
-I don’t know what you’re talking about. What is this ?  
-What did you do to me ?

Jane blinked repeatedly, squinting at Joan, who had her back turned to her. She felt constricted under the thick fabric, all the mixed signals inside of her clouding her brain.

-Would you like to sit down ?  
-Stop ! Just stop it !

The younger woman tilted her head as the woman raised her voice, turning to face Jane, seeing the chocolate eyes as dark as she had seen them that night, the emotions fleeing freely in them.

-Stop pretending to care.  
-If I didn’t..  
-I did not want that to happen in the first place. You… I should not feel this way. I cannot. I…

Joan bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep her feelings in check. She turned to look at Jane and saw her father standing behind her, her eyes widening ever so slightly. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Jane, who looked behind her, seeing no one.

«-Do what you must to ensure no one will stand between you and your goals. »

Joan’s nose twitched, her face tensing.

-Take it back.  
-Take what back ?  
-Whatever you put in my that night. Take it back.

Jane almost scoffed at the double meaning until she saw the older woman’s grieve stricken face.

-I can’t stop thinking about it. About you. I try, and I can’t. It’s always there.  
-I can’t..  
-You did something, and now I can’t stop it. I’m not… I shouldn’t feel any of this. It’s wrong.  
-Feeling good ?  
-Feeling.  
-You didn’t seem to mind that night.  
-Nothing happened. It did not.  
-Do you regret it ?

Joan faced the younger woman, seeing curiosity making it’s way on her face, mixing with confusion.

« -Regain control. She’s making you weak. »  
-I… I need… It isn’t… Make it stop.  
-I can’t.  
-Do it.  
-I’m not you. I can’t stop anything going on inside of you.  
-You put these feelings, these sensations inside of me. Make them stop !  
-Is that why you called me ? Because you feel ?

Joan’s face twisted in pain and shame, staring at Jane, her hands turning to fists.

-Joan ?  
-Don’t. You… It was supposed to be about making Spiteri do exactly what I wanted, and you… You… I cannot stop thinking about it, about how it felt. What you did. How I forgot for a fraction of second everything, how peaceful it was. Like it had never been clearer. And now, all I feel is disgust. I should have never let that happen. It makes everything messier.  
«-Do not let your emotions control you. »  
-Just shut up ! Why is it so wrong to feel ?!

Jane glanced around the room, her eyes falling inevitably on the older woman.

«-She’s seeing you lose control. She’ll use it against you and treat you the same as the others do. »  
-I can’t sleep without thinking about what happened. I can’t do anything to ease whatever is going inside of me.  
-Joan…  
-I’m weak, I’m a disappointment. I shouldn’t have let these feelings inside. I can’t feel. I’m not allo...

Jane’s face dropped at the last sentence, remembering when she and other children were taught how to fake, how to manipulate. How not to feel, to keep still, to pretend. Her predicament helped her, but she still felt no matter what.

-Is that why you kept me at arm’s length ?  
-You should have never happened. It wasn’t meant to go this way.  
-Should I go ?  
-No, yes… Fuck.  
-What do you want ?  
-What I want, isn’t what I’m allowed.  
«-You have to take control. »

Joan muttered under her breath, feeling everything she had bottled up, rising at the surface, not only during those four weeks but for years now. Jane had opened a dam that Joan had taken time to seal, thinking nothing would be able to unseal it. Guarding her from her heart, from emotions. Or was it her father who had done that ? She didn’t know anymore.

-This… I didn’t want this to go this way. I need… Help.

Suddenly it dawned upon Jane, her face changed altogether, raising an eyebrow at the dark-haired woman in front of her.

-I’m not going to fuck you in your office because you want me to.  
-You started this. Make it stop.

Joan was centimeters away from Jane, a bright fire burning behind her eyes. Jane stared up at her, seeing the deep furrow of her brows and the heavy breathing. Seeing the pain in her eyes and how lost she was. But that didn’t change what this was all about.

-You have a hand use it.  
-I don’t know..  
-Go on the internet. Read a book. Use what I did to you that night. Because it did happen. I don’t know what’s going on inside of your head right now. I’m not even sure you know it either.  
-Do not talk to me that way.  
-You might be the Governor of this prison, but you are not above anybody. Right here, right now, we are equals.  
-We’re not.  
-Yes, we are. Because you are not clean. What you did to Jodie. It could have you shipped to a psychiatric facility and maybe even end up behind the bars of this very prison. You avoided me for four weeks. I tried to talk to you. I kept being welcoming. You could have told me all of this sooner, and we wouldn’t be here right now. And maybe I would have been amendable to ease whatever is it you’d have asked of me. But one thing that needs to be clear between us. I did this because I wanted. I don’t know if it’s because you wanted or needed it. But it happened. I could say you can’t avoid people then come back when you need them, but I won’t because it’d make me a hypocrite.

Joan turned her back to Jane, walking back to her window closing her eyes. Feeling tears threatening to spill. The memories of when she was younger, trying to talk about her mother to her father or something that pleased her. Even a girl she found pretty and would have liked to befriend. How he had gotten angry each time. She could still feel each blow he had laid on her, the excruciating, sensations causing her stomach to lurch. Her cries reverberating inside her skull, her pleas, every tear.

-I don’t deserve your anger. I didn’t do anything wrong.

The sentence nearly brought her to her knees but she willed herself not to show it. When Jane saw no reaction from the older woman, she started walking towards her, her eyes never leaving her still form. She glanced up at her, surprised by how tense she was. She raised a hand and placed it on her arm when she felt her flinch, drawing her hand away.

-Alright, no touching. Tell me, what should I do ? Should I leave or should I stay ?

Jane heard no response from Joan and nodded before looking at her reflection into the window.

-I didn’t mean to cause you such pain. I didn’t plan what happened in that room. It wasn’t my intention to make you fee… To upset you. I don’t know how you perceive these things inside of you. I’ll never claim I understand, but I can imagine. I am sorry. I really am.  
-Will you tell ?  
-Tell what ?  
-What you saw.

Jane thought for a second, thinking back to when she had seen the older woman talk to the void.

-Do you want to tell me about it ?

The younger woman saw Joan’s jaw tense and nodded.

-You don’t have to.  
-There is no reason for you not to tell. Unless you want something in return. What is it ?

Jane parted her lips to speak, recognizing that tone, seeing the way her face had closed up the moment the words had left her tongue. She’d do anything to protect herself so it seemed.

-I’m adopted.

Jane saw Joan furrowing her brows, tears still threatening to escape, not understanding what it had to do with anything.

-I never knew my parents.

Joan parted her lips, ready to speak when Jane spoke again.

-Я был обучен, как я с рождения.(I've been trained to be the way I am since birth.)

Joan’s eyes widened, jerking her head towards the younger woman, looking down at her, searching her eyes.

-Я убийца. И моя последняя миссия частично провалилась. Несколько детей были подсчитаны в жертвах.(I'm an assassin. And my last mission partially failed. Several children were counted in the casualties.)  
-You..  
-Yes. Surely you had realized I had understood what you had said.  
-Why ?  
-I know something about you; you know something about me.  
-Quid pro quo ?  
-Yes, quid pro quo, scoffed Jane, nodding.  
-Aren’t afraid I might tell ?  
-No.

Jane started walking away under the older woman’s watchful gaze, turning before she reached the door.

-You should be more careful, the people in this prison could surprise you, more than you think. Some for the best, others for the worst. What you did to Jodie, won’t stay buried very long.

* * *

Bea was resting on her bed drawing as she heard her cell door open, she looked up and saw Franky and Jodie.

-Hey.  
-Jodie’s got something to say.  
-I’ll do it.

Jodie sat down on Bea’s bed, staring at the void in front of her as she recalled the events that occured a while back.

-So it started, like, the second night I was in the slot, right ? And she came in, and I was sleeping. And she had a pillow over my face, like pushing down on it with all her weight, you know ? This room she took me to, I don’t know where it was. It was dark. She made me say things, you know, like, I was worthless, and I was pointless, and I was nothing. She made me scratch my arms until they bled. And then she’d pour metho on them if she didn’t get the answer she wanted. And then she made…

Jodie breathed shakily, her fingers resting on her lips, her eyes filled with tears.

-It’s OK.  
-And then after this, she’d just be, like, so nice to me, like, really nice. I just can’t get her out of my head.  
-It’s OK.  
-What about Jane, Jodes ? Asked Franky.  
-I don’t know.  
-What do you mean ?  
-The Governor went to her cell twice and never went back. She took her our once, and that was it.

Bea and Franky shared a look as Jodie sobbed into Bea’s arms.  
Jane had been standing outside the top dog’s cell, listening carefully, taking in Jodie’s words. She shot a look at the door before leaving towards her cell, shaking her head disapprovingly.

* * *

-Bea, you have to calm down.  
-Don’t start.

Bea was pacing up and down under the watchful gaze of her friends. Franky was seated on the armchair, facing Liz and Doreen seated on the couch, while Maxine was standing behind it, following the redhead with her eyes.

-Love, you don’t know if she lied.  
-She was in the slot, Liz.  
-Yeah, and Jodie said she went to her as well.  
-Come on, Liz, she went there once, and that was it.  
-Franky, you don’t know what could have happened, Bea listen. If you fuck up, Jodie will suffer, so will everybody here. But more so you, said Maxine.  
-We need to make her talk, I don’t care how we do it.  
-What, you mean bash her, inquired Doreen, making a face.

The redhead shot a side glance at her friend before standing tall in front of them.

-Bea, no.  
-Where is Jane ?  
-Think about what you’re doing, love. You have no idea if..  
-Why don’t you give her the scare of her life ? Why bash her ?  
-Bea, even if she were to know something, we all have concealed stuff to protect ourselves. You can’t be okay with us doing that and bash Jane for the same reason.  
-She disrespected me, Maxine. She said she didn’t know anything about what went on in the slot, and she obviously lied.  
-Where is Jane anyway ? Asked Franky, Shouldn’t she be here with a snarky remark ?

Bea looked around, and so did Franky until her eyes fell on Liz, who sighed.

-Where is she, Liz ?  
-Bea, you can’t..  
-Where is she.  
-She was going towards the showers.  
-Maxine, Franky, you come with me, the rest you stay here, keep an eye on each other.

Franky stood taking a deep breath, sharing a glance with Maxine walking closer to her.

-She put Juice and her Boys in medical what does she think we can do ?  
-I don’t know, I just hope..  
-Let’s go.

Maxine and Franky turned towards Bea at the entrance of the unit, tieing her hair in a ponytail. The three of them started walking down the corridors, avoiding the other inmates.

-What’s the plan red ?  
-We’re going to have a little chat.

* * *

Jane was standing in front of the mirror, brushing her wet hair, thinking back to what had happened with Joan. She had not anticipated the older woman to snap at her the way she did nor to react this way to what had happened. Of all the people she had known and been with, she was the only one who had reacted this way to something as organic and simple as pleasure. She had been taught to read people, and she wasn’t completely stupid to begin with, so she figured there was something else going on. But she didn’t have the want to ask her. She had found that after spending that hour with her and with that discussion in her office. She didn’t feel the want to play with her, it had vanished as soon as it had arrived. Not that she had been doing it for the wrong reasons before, but she knew it must have added on top of everything that was already going on in her mind. Jane also didn’t forget how she had not mentioned once the fact she had spoken into the void. And she knew better than to ask. Joan was the one with the cards in hand, Jane wasn’t going to push to begin with but even less now. All she had wanted three months ago was merely to get on with whatever was going to happen to her, and however long she’d have to stay in this place. She had somehow made things more complicated when she had tried to simplify them. Though she should have thought through that going down on the Governor was never going to be an easy business in the long run. She’d be lying to herself though she said she didn’t find the older woman endearing. She remembered the moment she had seen her as she climbed down from the brawler, she had been captivated somehow. Jane had seen a softness to the stern face, and after taking a good look at her, realized everything about her screamed _you can’t miss me_ , _I’m the one running the place_ , _look at me_. Because in Jane’s mind, there was no other reason why someone already imposing would try to emphasize that even more.  
She heard the door open and close behind her, taking her out of her thoughts. She glanced behind her in the mirror and saw Bea and Maxine walk into the middle of the room. Jane turned to face them, the brush still in her hair. She saw Franky by the door, standing on the frame, stealing glances outside.

-Can I help you ? If it’s a shower you want the stalls are vacant.  
-What happened in the slot.

Jane kept on brushing her hair, rolling her eyes, she saw Bea take a step forward and raised an eyebrow at her.

-Wanna tell us why the Freak visited you in the slot ?  
-Sure. My file is restricted, so she wanted more info.  
-Bullshit, said Franky, She could have done that at any time during the day.  
-Jane, Jodie told her what happened in the slot. Informed Maxine.  
-So ? That’s doesn’t concern me.  
-You were there the whole time Jodie was in the slot. And she explicitly said she also came into her cell. And if there is something I remember quite well about the slot is how easy it is to hear someone do so much as breathe.

Jane, who had turned to look into the mirror, stared at her reflection, lowering the brush, her hand resting on the sink, her face losing all traces of emotion she could have had.

-Anything to say ?

Jane placed her things on her towel, keeping hold of the brush, inspecting it. She saw Bea walking energetically towards her and gripping her shoulder about to yank her back. Jane took hold of the redhead’s hand pulling it forward as she launched her elbow in her stomach, causing her to grunt, taking a step back.

-Hey !  
-You claim you care about Jodie, yet you torture her. You come here to bash me, although you already have your answers. She’s the Governor. You’re not better than her, and she is not lesser than you. But I still have nothing to say.  
-Watch it, Jane.

Maxine’s eyes widened at her friend, while Franky had walked up to the shower stalls, her brows furrowed.

-It’s cowardice to attack someone from behind.  
-I’m going to kill you. Little shit !  
-I’d like to see you try.  
-If we have to bash you for you to talk, we fucking will, Jane.  
-Alright, go for it.

Franky felt unsettled as she saw the stoic figure in front of them agree, dare them to try. She saw Bea walk up to Jane and Maxine following her lead, launching at Jane. The younger woman diverted Bea’s fists and felt Maxine grab her other arm, trying to key it. Jane hit Maxine in the knee making her grunt, but didn’t have the time to avoid the blow Bea threw at her. She blinked and launched at the redhead falling on the ground with her, hitting her face with her fist. Franky came behind Jane, grabbing a fistful of hair, an arm around her neck, while Maxine helped Bea up. But Jane threw her head back and hit Franky’s nose making her swear, as blood poured onto her clothes. She felt the brunette’s grip loosen and moved aside as Bea came towards them. She avoided the fist by a second and stood on her feet.

-Maybe you should have brought a shiv if you so wanted to bash me.

Bea launched herself at her, and Jane didn’t move aside, her back collided with the wall, and she hit the redhead’s back with her elbow, making her grunt as she hit her stomach with her fists. Franky watched as both women hit each other, and heard footsteps getting closer, sharing a look with Maxine.

-Shit.  
-Bea, let’s go !

Bea grabbed Jane by the neck, and they both fell on the floor. Maxine grabbed Bea, as she tried to get her hands on the younger woman again.

-Put me down !  
-We have to go now.  
-They’re getting closer, move it !

Jane laid on the tiles, brushing her chin with the back of her hand, wiping away the blood. She saw the three friends looking at her, and she laughed, shaking her head.

-You should go before they arrive because it won’t be me going to the slot this time.

Bea, Franky, and Maxine rushed out of the showers, and Jane held her sides, groaning. She closed her eyes for a moment and heard the footsteps getting nearer. The door opened, and she heard a gasp.

-What the fuck happened here ?

Jane lifted her head and saw Linda Miles looking down at her, her eyes wide, her talkie in hand.

-Hello, Miss Miles. Mind giving me a hand ?

* * *

Joan was sat behind her desk, her pen in hand as she signed official papers and reports, glancing at her computer screen from time to time to check the veracity of the information printed. But she found that she had problems focussing since she and Jane had that discussion in her office. Joan had left quickly after it, going back to her apartment, cursing herself for oversharing. She had kept trying to shut the part of her brain telling her Jane would tell, that she’d go to the prison one morning and everyone would know. Jane had said nothing about Spiteri or that night. And Joan wanted to believe her words, wanted to believe the fact this hadn’t been planned. That it happened on the spur of the moment. It hadn’t helped her understand nor satiate whatever what happening inside of her. But a part of her had believed Jane when she had apologized, and not pushed for her to talk about it. _When she apologized_. Joan couldn’t remember many people apologizing to her, even less giving her the space she needs without feeling entitled to an answer. She’d be lying if she was to say it hadn’t felt good, if she was to say she hadn’t wanted to hold her hand and squeeze, hoping to convey whatever her voice couldn’t formulate.

-Sierra two, this is Sierra five.

Joan raised her eyes from the paperwork and eyed her talkie, grabbing it, holding it in front of her.

-Sierra two receiving.  
-Something happened, we need you in medical.  
-Who was it this time ?  
-Foster Governor, we found her in the showers.

Joan’s face dropped, and she stood from her chair, walking towards her door, dodging her secretary, who was looking at her speechless.

-Sierra five, I’m on my way.  
-Roger that, Governor.

Joan placed the talkie at her waist and reached the staircase, going down quickly. She took a corner and saw Miss Miles looking through the window of the medical unit. The blonde officer heard heels and turned towards the noise seeing the Governor walking towards her, taking huge steps anyone would have trouble following. The older woman arrived next to her and directly glanced inside the lit room, seeing Jane laying down on one of the beds, talking to Miss Bennett, the nurse taking care of her lips.

-What happened ?  
-I don’t know, I heard noises and arrived as quickly as I could. There was a fight, but there was no one around when I arrived.  
-Has she said anything ?  
-Miss Bennett is the one talking to her.

Joan nodded, her eyes glued on the younger woman who winced as nurse Atkins lowered the cotton ball to her lips. She kept turning the events in her brain, trying to figure out how could someone who took out five people, be sent into medical. She could feel the frantic beat of her heart calm down as she saw her wink at the nurse, smiling as best as she could. Joan walked towards the door and opened it, causing the room to fall silent and its occupants to turn to face her. She walked closer as she eyed Jane’s state. She had a nasty lip cut, and several bruises had appeared on her face.

-Governor, what a sight to sore eyes.  
-Foster, that’s enough.

Jane looked up, raising an eyebrow at the Deputy Governor, who was looking at her sternly.

-I was merely expressing my happiness at seeing the Governor, Miss Bennett. Don’t worry, you’re a sight for sore eyes too.

Joan had looked at her Deputy as Jane finished her sentence and saw the faint blush and surprised she tried to conceal, gritting her jaw. She stood beside the petite woman waving at Jane on the bed.

-Is she alright ?  
-Yes, Governor. More bruising than anything I think, but I’d like to keep her under observation for the night, as Jane said she hit her head pretty hard.  
-Who did this ?  
-She won’t say, Governor.  
-As I told Miss Bennett and Miss Atkins, I slipped.  
-Miss Miles said she heard a rather virulent commotion and not a silent one. Sounded like a fight. Continued Vera, looking down at Jane, an eyebrow raised at her.

Joan had been listening to the verbal jousting, her eyes never leaving the younger woman, sensing something constricting her ribcage. She didn’t need to know, to know. If Jane had wanted to send to medical whomever it had been in the showers with her, she would have.

-Leave us.  
-I just need to..  
-I’ll be fine nurse Atkins, it’s not as if I was going to talk my mouth off now, am I ?  
-Governor ?

Joan glanced down at Vera, a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised as she petit woman nodded, waiting for the nurse, and glanced back at Joan and the inmate before closing the door, standing with Linda behind the window. Squinting her eyes as she watched them. The two women still in the room stared at each other, the silence stretching until Jane spoke, wincing at the faint pain.

-How are you today ?

Jane kept staring as the older woman walked up to her, standing beside her bed. Hiding her with her large frame, blocking the view of the two officers outside the room. Causing Linda to roll her eyes and leave the corridor while Vera stared at the Governo’s back, a pang of jealousy making its way inside her chest. Jane looked up at the Governor, catching onto the fact she seemed to be studying her face, her eyes darting to every little injury, making Jane tilt her head.

-Scratches, it’ll be gone within a week.  
-Who was it ?  
-Now, I can’t really lag now can I ?  
-Was it…  
-Was it what ? Asked Jane expectedly.  
-Was it because of me ?

Jane took a deep breath, glancing outside the window, before looking back at the woman in front of her.

-It might have been because of the Jodie matter.

Jane saw Joan’s brow furrow slightly and felt something faintly brush her fingers. She glanced down and saw the pale fingers next to hers, but never fully touching her. She lifted her hand by few centimeters and wrapped her fingers around the older woman’s, hearing her take a deep breath, feeling a gentle squeeze. When she looked up, she saw something aking to relief inside Joan’s eyes. Joan could feel it wash over her, knowing she had returned her attention, not drew her hand back as so many had done before. She squeezed her hand in return and saw Jane smile at her.

-I’m fine, it wasn’t your fault. I did sort of asked for it.  
-No one asks for this.  
-I was being a bit sassy.

Joan scoffed, her jaw loosening a little, Jane’s eyes searching hers.

-Is there something else ?  
-I… hm… Last time…  
-Is forgotten.  
-No, I… I shouldn’t have… It was unkind… Of me…  
-It’s forgotten. I meant what I said, I did not want to cause you such grief, had I known, I would have probably gone about it differently or wouldn’t have teased you.  
-I didn’t mind…  
-What didn’t you mind ?

Jane saw Joan swallowing with some difficulty, avoiding her eyes. Causing her to tug on her hand gently enough so that anyone looking at them wouldn’t be able to see.

-None of that, I think after what happened, you needn’t feeling ashamed. Tell me, what didn’t you mind ?  
-What you said, the things you told me…  
-The teasing ?  
-Yes…

Jane smiled, her eyebrows raised, ranking her eyes up and down Joan’s body.

-Good, cause I enjoyed it too.  
-Really ?  
-Well, of course, why would I have done it otherwise ?

The younger woman saw a cloud passing in front of the chocolate eyes and bit her tongue.

-I wanted to do it. Yes, I did find it amusing to see your reaction, but it always came from a ‘‘good place in my heart’’ if you want to call it that way.  
-I don’t…  
-I know. It’s alright not to know. You don’t have to know everything.

Joan nodded, feeling whatever restricted her chest lift, her fingers still laced with Jane’s.

-Don’t turn, but Miss Bennett has been staring at us the whole time. And she’s being quite assiduous.

The older woman straightened her posture, still holding her hand in hers, looking at their hands.

-I’d… Like to see you… Again… If you’d be amenable to that.

Joan saw Jane smile at her, caressing the back of her hand with her thumb before Joan shook her head.

-I shouldn’t have asked. It’s not..  
-Would you come to see me tonight ?

Jane looked up at the older woman, who seemed to be fighting internally, her brows furrowing again. Causing Jane to tug on her hand.

-Are you going to make me beg ? Because I’m not above it.

A faint smirk made its way on Joan’s lips, and she cocked her head, raising an eyebrow at Jane, who rolled her eyes.

-Приходи ко мне сегодня вечером. Пожалуйста, я тебя очень прошу...(Come to me tonight. Please, I’m begging you…) Said Jane dramatically.

She saw something light up inside the chocolate eyes, and Joan nodded, a faint smile making its way on her lips. Making Jane smile widely before stealing a glance outside of medical.

-Right, not that I don’t love your company, but your Deputy seems to be quite agitated. She seems like she’s about to burst.  
-Miss Bennett ?  
-Yes, I think she had the, how do they say again ? Ah, yes, the hots for you.

Joan’s eyes widened in surprise, furrowing her brows at Jane.

-Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed ?  
-I.. Hm…  
-Governor, Mister Channing would like to speak to you.

Jane watched as the taller woman’s face became stoic again, letting go of her hand. She turned on her heels, facing Miss Bennett, who was standing by the door frame, her expression serious. Joan walked towards the door and exited after stealing a last glance from the younger woman. Jane watched as the Governor left and saw Miss Bennett glaring at her, her jaw tense before departing.

* * *

Joan was walking down the corridors, watching her steps, checking every corner. She knew no one was assigned to this part of the prison tonight, that and the fact the cameras had been turned before she arrived. But one could never careful enough. She walked silently towards medical and stopped in front of the window, glancing inside, her lips parting. Jane was on her back, sleeping, a lock of hair resting on her eyes. Joan stepped closer to the window, looking at her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful, so calm. She stepped aside and unlocked the door to medical, entered the room, and locked it again behind her. She pulled down the blinds and turned to the bed walking towards it, warily. She couldn’t believe that she had agreed, she was supposed to end it, and yet, here she was running back to the inmate like a child would her mother.  
She paused by the bed, taking in the sight before her eyes. Jane’s caramel hair delicately framing her face, how relaxed she was despite the lip cut and bruises. The slow and steady rising of her chest. Joan stared at the lock on Jane’s face and took off one of her black leather gloves, gently holding the hair, moving it away from her face, thinking how pretty she looked like that. She felt Jane stir up and drew her hand back, like a child caught doing something she shouldn’t have, and saw the younger woman opening her eyes, squinting at the faint light coming from the ceiling. Jane stretched, a moan escaping her lips and her eyes fell on the dark-haired woman standing beside her bed, causing a smile to grow on her lips.

-You came.

Joan nodded, and Jane sat on the bed, brushing her hair away from her face looking up at the woman, lifting her hand to take the one free of the rich leather, her nails grazing her alabaster skin. Jane tug on her hand bring her closer still and wrapped an arm around her waist, her chin resting on her tummy, looking up at the older woman. Joan raised her gloved hand, taking it off, and brought it near Jane’s face, not quite touching her. But Jane tilted her head, her cheek resting in Joan’s hand, hearing her take a deep breath. The younger woman rubbed her nose against her palm, placing a soft kiss on her wrist before looking back up at her.

-If my memories serve me well, you asked me something last time.

Joan’s hand stilled on Jane’s cheek as her words hit her, her lips parting.

-Even after ?  
-Yes.  
-Why ?  
-Because I want to. You’re a beautiful wo.. Don’t. You are.

Joan closed her mouth, her jaw tensing, looking down.

-You’re a beautiful woman if others have been foolish enough not to see it or even say it. It’s their loss. Now, if you don’t feel like it, I think I could help with that…

Jane brought her hand in front of her, unbuttoning the older woman’s work jacket, lifting her shirt from her tailored pants, kissing her tummy, her hand going lower, trailing on her thighs as she heard her breathing deepen. Joan felt the gnawing sensation coming back as if it had never left. Trying to cast her father’s voice as far away as she could. Having decided during the day, that she wanted whatever that was, even if in his eyes it made her weak. And she also knew whoever had hurt her, would have done so because she had not said anything regarding Spiteri. It had pained her somehow, but the thought of someone preferring to let herself go through a ‘‘beating’’ because she disagreed with the top dog for her had made her heart swell. She felt Jane’s soft lips nip at her flesh and hand resting on her ass, kneading, causing her to take a shallow breath.

-Would you ever be so kind ?

Joan opened her eyes and saw Jane’s cuffed wrists raised in the air.

-Now why would I do that, hm ?  
-Because then I could teach you how to touch yourself, and maybe make you come myself.  
-At one condition.

Jane raised an eyebrow at the older woman, feeling her hesitant hand caressing her hair, taking a deep breath.

-Let me touch you ?  
-Do you want it ?  
-Yes…  
-Alright, but first, let’s get you out of these clothes, shall we ?

Jane lifted her wrist again as Joan took the key from her pocket, unlocking the restraint, caressing the skin with the tip of her fingers, as Jane had done to her.

-That feels nice.  
-Does it ?  
-Hm, hm.

The younger woman took Joan’s shirt in her hands, undoing button after button, her green eyes never leaving Joan’s. She undid her tie and looked at the black bra contrasting with her pale skin.

-Take them off.

Joan slipped the jacket off her shoulders, laying it neatly on the chair next to the bed, she turned towards Jane and felt her hands slip underneath her shirt bringing it down, taking it off, allowing the younger woman to take a good look at her. Jane stood on her knees and due to her standing on the bed, found herself to be nearly as tall as Joan. She laid the shirt down and wrapped her arms around her waist, her face mere centimeters away from Joan’s. The older woman raised her arms, her hands taking out the pins in her hair, freeing her scalp from the tight, imposing bun, letting her hair falling freely on her shoulders. Under the shining eyes of her willing audience. Jane ran her hand through her hair, placing it behind her ear and Joan saw something light up the likes of which she had never seen before. She felt lips pressed against hers, and she wrapped her arms around Jane’s neck, bringing her closer, their bodies touching. Jane pushed the star shot hair aside and trailed her lips down to her neck, leaving loving kisses on her skin, finding her pulse point, she gently nibbled the skin and started sucking hearing Joan moan, as she raised a hand, lacing her fingers in her hair. She kept on going lower reaching her collarbone, nipping at her, hearing breathy moans come from above. Jane’s hands found the opening of her bra and felt the older woman shiver as she took the garment off of her. Jane sat down, her hands on either side of Joan’s body bringing her torso closer to her face. She kissed between her breasts, before leaving kisses on her right breast. She nuzzled her nipple, before wrapping her lips around it, causing Joan to arch her back at the feeling. Jane sucked the rosy bud in her mouth, pulling on it before gently biting it, feeling Joan’s hand bringing her closer, remembering she had told her to go harder. She bit her nipple and felt her squirm underneath her, her lips parted, her eyes closed. Joan felt this burning sensation between her thighs, feeling herself in the same state as she had been that night. Somehow she had not heard nor seen her father ever since she had walked into the room. Which to her felt like a blessing, she didn’t want him near whatever was happening between her and Jane. She felt Jane’s lips wrap around her other nipple and sighed, running her hands through her hair, kicking off her heels, lining them by the bed. She tugged on Jane’s hair, causing her to free her breast from her assault, and leaned forward, taking her bottom lip between her teeth, nibbling. She released it and kissed her, brushing her tongue on Jane’s lips, feeling them part, their tongues meeting again. Joan felt tears rolling down her cheeks and parted, surprised. Jane looked up at her and brushed the tears away with her thumb.

-Is everything alright ?

Joan nodded and blushed, looking down, not understanding what was wrong with her.

-Joan ? Look at me. Aside from that night about five weeks ago, had you ever…

The older woman felt her cheeks reddening even more and tried to push Jane away, but the latter wrapped her arms around her back, resting her chin on her torso.

-Everything you tell me stays between us.

Joan’s hands were resting at the back of Jane’s neck, feeling another tear making its way down her cheek.

-When I asked you if anyone had ever gone down on you and you appeared ashamed, it wasn’t just about that, was it ? You meant you had never done that before.

More tears spilled, and Joan closed her eyes tightly, feeling the embrace tighten around her.

-Joan ? Joan, it’s alright. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It makes what’s happening so very special to me.  
-What do you mean ? She asked, her voice thick with tears.  
-I mean that I get to be the lucky woman to do these things to you for the first time. And your tears are just you exteriorizing all those years where didn’t know that kind of release.  
-Why now ? Why not last time ?  
-The body and mind work in mysterious ways, I think you more than anybody knows that. Let me give this to you… Not only do you want it, but you need it.

Joan captured her lips in a bruising kiss, feeling Jane’s hands undoing her pants, letting them drop to the floor. More tears spilled from her eyes, and Jane moved on the bed.

-Lay down.

Jane helped the older woman on the bed and laid beside her, trailing her finger on her torso, kneading her breast. She brought her lips next to her ear, nibbling on her ear lobe, feeling Joan resting a hand on Jane’s, her moans filling the room.

-Let them out.

The younger woman lowered her hand to her panties and started taking them off, having to stop what she was doing, trailing the garment down her long legs. She brought it to her face and inhaled deeply before looking at the woman laying next to her. She placed it on the chair beside the bed and kissed Joan. She found her right hand and guided it down her body. Joan parted from the kiss and resisted, looking into Jane’s eyes. She kissed her chest and looked down at her, caressing her hand with her thumb.

-You have nothing to worry about. You don’t have to trust me. Just trust that I know what I’m doing. Let me help you.

Jane kept on rubbing her thumb on her hand, staring into the chocolate eyes, and felt her arm relaxing.

-Let’s put those lovely hands of yours at work. Spread your legs for me ?

Joan parted her thighs, her breathing accelerating, the blush making its way to her chest. Jane took hold of her hand again and used Joan’s fingers to part her lips, feeling the older woman’s breath hitch. Joan felt Jane’s hand guiding her lower still and felt something wet touch her fingers, making her frown in confusion. She glanced at Jane, who smiled at her, a cheeky smile plastered on her face.

-You’re wet.  
-And that’s… Good ?  
-It means you’re enjoying it, with age it takes a little longer, but with enough stimulation, one can achieve the desired effect. How does it feel ?  
-Sticky.

Jane laughed in front of the bemused older woman. She kissed her cheek, wiping a tear away with her tongue, and whispered in her ear.

-Trust me, once you start touching yourself, that will be at the far back of your mind. Follow my hand.

Joan felt Jane move her hand, parting her fingers, and she mimicked her, feeling her own fingers tracing the inside of her lips, she lowered her hand again and felt Jane dip one of her fingers inside, making her gasp. Jane brought her hand higher and pressed Joan’s fingers on something, making her moan at the sensation of her wet fingers rubbing that spot.

-That’s your clit, the secret to all of your… Sensations.

Jane leaned forward bestowing a gentle kiss on her mouth, whispering against her lips.

-Rub it for me, hm красивая(gorgeous).

Joan swallowed thickly, tentatively rubbing her clit. Jane smiled and grazed her nails on her inner thigh, kissing Joan’s neck, feeling her breath hitch. Suddenly Joan moaned, her hips bucking. She felt the same feeling Jane had sparked that night. She parted her lips, spreading her arousal, and hitched back up at her clit.

-Mmmhh…

Jane smiled in her neck and looked down at the long fingers circling her clit, she bit her lower lip and took Joan’s other hand bringing it to her own breast, pinching her nipples with her fingers.

-Fuck !

The older woman kept touching herself, feeling the build-up cranking up a notch at each swipe of her fingers on her clit, she was too dazed to see Jane hitching down on the bed, sitting between her parted legs, eyeing the panting figure in front of her. Jane brought her hand in front of Joan’s entrance and slipped three fingers in, making the woman stop on her tracks, her eyes wide open, looking down at the younger woman. She felt the hand between her legs slowly pump in and out of her and rubbed herself again, the feeling between her thighs building as Jane plunged her fingers, hitting the rough patch inside of her. She felt her hips rising from the bed and her face tense, Jane's hands thrusting deeper, causing Joan to let out a loud moan, making Jane smirk. Joan’s body tensed, and her thighs quivered as her orgasm spread through her, causing long-held tears to spill, the sound escaping her lips mixed with pain and pleasure. Joan lowered her hand, her chest heaving quickly as she tried to catch her breath, her hips jerking forward when she felt something wet lapping at her. She glanced down and saw Jane resting on her stomach, her mouth on her core, looking up at her through hooded eyes. She felt her tongue pressing on her clit, her hips jerking again given how sensitive she felt. Joan was about to speak when she felt a shudder going down her spine, and felt her body tense up again, catching her off guard. Jane licked her clean and kissed her tears streaked cheeks.

-That моя красивая(my gorgeous), is what I wanted to do last time. Did you like it ?

Joan nodded, she felt as if she was floating, her body relaxed, a certain… Relief washing over her. She circled Jane’s neck with her arms and brought her in a bruising kiss, tasting herself on the younger woman’s lips. She brushed her hair away from her face and parted, brushing a thumb on her cheek. She brought Jane closer and harbored her neck with open-mouthed kisses. Joan turned them around and sat on Jane’s hips, looking down at her. Jane trailed her hands on her thighs, and Joan took hold of them, lacing their fingers together.

-You’re so beautiful, whispered Jane.

A strand of hair fell in front of Joan’s eyes, and she leaned forward, taking Jane’s prison-issued shirt, lifting it, taking it off, exposing Jane’s chest to her eyes. Suddenly Joan felt self-conscious looking at the younger woman like that. What if she couldn’t do what she had just done to her ? What could she see in her anyway ? Joan was almost afraid to touch her, in fear that she might break her. She stared at her hands swallowing with some difficulty, and Jane sat upright, embracing her.

-Tell me, what is it ?  
-You’ll leave.  
-If you tell me ?

Joan nodded, and Jane took her hands in hers, Joan tried to draw them to her chest, but Jane laid them above her heart.

-Joan, look at me.  
-Don’t make me say it.  
-I won’t, I merely want you to listen to me. Whatever you’ve done, in here or at another prison, another country, doesn’t concern me. It happened, it’s done.  
-I have blood on my hands.

Jane brushed the black star shot hair away from the older woman’s face and tilted her head.

-Me too. More than you’ll ever know.  
-Everyone… Everyone I had, was taken away.  
-You don’t nee..  
-I cared, and each time, they died. Because of me.  
-Joan, listen to me. Have you killed these people ? With your own hands ?

The older woman winced, and Jane tightened the grip on her hands, circling her back with one arm.

-Did you kill them ?  
-One…  
-Then it’s the only one you’re responsible for. The others are the responsibility of the person who killed them. Not yours. Never has been, never will be.

Joan traced the bruises on Jane’s cheek and gritted her teeth.

-They did this because you had my back.  
-I had my own back. I won’t go behind yours, and I won’t compromise my stance of not getting involved in the mess happening in this place. I’m doing enough dirty work outside of it as it is.  
-You let yourself be punched, didn’t you ?

Jane scoffed and kissed her collar bone.

-What do you think ? I’ve gone against more than three people. They were a piece of cake, but I needed to stay in medical.  
-Why ?  
-Well, for one, I wanted to see you, and I figured you’d come as the Governor and because you have soft spot for me, smirked Jane, But also because since I got, bashed as they call it, maybe now they’ll be off my back.  
-Why would you let them do that ?  
-Because sometimes, it’s better to think about what’s ahead, this small beating served my purpose.  
-You didn’t really hit your head either did you ? Asked Joan, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow.  
-Not really, confessed Jane, but I mean what I say when I tell you, you don’t have and never will have nearly as much blood on your hands as I have on mine. I won’t judge you for that. I’d be a hypocrite otherwise.

Jane brought Joan’s hands to her lips, kissing as much of her skin as she could reach.

-I want you to touch me, and you don’t have to fear for me. I won’t die, I’m tough. But I need you, right now.

Joan captured Jane’s lips in a bruising kiss, lowering her onto the bed. She felt the younger woman arch her back and unclasped her bra, taking it off. She paused, looking down at her, and felt Jane’s hand in her hair, she looked up at her and she nodded her consent. Joan lowered her mouth to her breast and left no patch of skin unkissed. She took her nipple in her mouth and heard Jane sigh above her, her hands still in her hair, bringing her closer.

-Bite it, hard.

Joan did as she was told and felt Jane’s hips move under her, her breathing deepening. She bit the rosy bud again, and Jane parted her lips, a deep moan escaping her.

-God, you feel good.

Joan’s confidence grew as she heard the praise, and she let go of the breast going lower on her body, she grabbed her teal pants and removed them. Jane opened her eyes, and she grabbed one of her hands, kissing her palm.

-You don’t have to do that, you know ? You can just finger me.

Joan furrowed her brows at the language, but Jane raised an eyebrow at her.

-I’ve said clit, ass, and so on more times than you have fingers.  
-It’s just crass.  
-Yes, but I’m sure if I was to touch you, something'd tell me you don’t mind it as much as you claim.  
-Shut up.

Joan kissed her, and Jane wrapped her hand around Joan’s neck squeezing, making the older woman groan. Jane raised an eyebrow at the sight, feeling the older woman knead her breast.

-Well, if I had known you liked to be chocked I would have done that sooner.

Joan smacked her hand away, a fire burning in her eyes as she lowered herself again. She removed Jane’s prison-issued underwear, and the younger woman parted her legs right away, causing Joan’s breath to hitch. She stared at Jane in wonder, slowly lowering herself on her elbows. Joan swallowed thickly as she breathed in Jane’s scent, moaning in anticipation. She kissed her inner thigh, nibbling the pale flesh, her hands resting on Jane’s hips, grazing her nails on her skin. Joan’s mouth hitched higher, and she kissed her hipbone, remembering when Jane had done that to her. She rested her cheek on the younger woman’s lower belly, enjoying the warmth.

-Do you intend to tease me until the morning ? Asked Jane, smiling down at the older woman.

Joan lifted her head and darted her tongue out, dipping into her navel, making Jane squirm under her at the sensation. She trailed her tongue lower, and flattened it, separating Jane’s folds in one long swipe of her tongue.

-Fuck…

The older woman dipped her tongue inside of Jane, her taste filling her mouth, making her moan, the vibration sending a jolt to Jane’s clit. Her hand ended in Joan’s hair as she felt her tongue licking higher. She felt her press on her clit, and Jane bucked her hips.

-Right there. Don’t stop.

Joan obliged, alternating between circling her clit with her tongue, sucking on it, or pressing on it with her tongue. She felt Jane’s thighs quiver and placed one long finger in front of her entrance. She slipped in it and Jane threw her head back. She started pumping in and out and felt Jane tightening her grip on her head.

-More…

Joan eased another finger in Jane, and she saw her belly quiver, her brows furrowed, almost as if she was in pain, causing Joan to almost lift her head, but felt Jane’s hand keeping her in place.

-Don’t… I’m so close…

This was enough for Joan to add another long finger and thrust harder, her tongue still pressing on her clit. All of a sudden, she felt Jane tense beneath her, her thighs quivering, wrapping around her head, holding her close as she rode through her orgasm. Joan watched as Jane breathed heavily, her eyes closed, her lips parted, her face relaxed unliked a few seconds ago.

-Блядь…(Fuck…)  
-Good ?  
-Good ? That was more than good. I’m surprised you’ve never done that before.

Jane sat up, seeing Joan’s eyes glim under the light. She brought her closer and kissed her firmly, sucking on her tongue.

-You were divine.

She saw the older woman beam at the praise and looked up at her, trailing a hand on her bare back.

-Did you like it ?  
-Yes…

Jane smiled and lowered herself on the bed, Joan laying on top of her. Joan lifted a hand to rest on her chest, and Jane took it in hers, sucking on her fingers, under the older woman’s wanton gaze. She felt each wipe of Jane’s tongue on her fingers, causing her lips to part as Jane moaned at her own taste. Jane lowered her hand and rested her cheek on the top of Joan’s head, lifting the hand that was on her back to her hair, gently stroking it, hearing Joan purr.

-Do you like that ?

Joan nodded and felt Jane lift her chin to look up at her.

-You’re not going to disappear for four weeks this time, are you ?

The older woman smiled. Jane saw it reaching her eyes and saw her shaking her head negatively, resting her chin on her chest, looking into her eyes.

-Good, because seeing that ass in those pants for four weeks without being able to touch it was pure torture.

Joan’s smile widened, and Jane stared down at her, trailing her thumb on her face, feeling her nuzzle her palm. She’d definitely have to make her smile more often.


End file.
